Penis

Why does a man's penis have a hole in it?
So he can get oxygen to his brain

?

Ever think the the person who came up with that "Tortoise and the Hare" story was just a stoner?

Credit

My credit is so bad, My credit card company took out a restraining order on me!

Loser!

You might not have your shit together, if your phone's in your baby's name.

Women

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

sexting

I really think I missed out being born in the 60's. All this sexting stuff. Back when I was in high school, if you wanted naked footage of a girl you knew. You had to hide a camera and get her drunk. Now girls just send it to you without asking.

Sex and school.

I was just talking to my son about not being a high school freshman next year. I told him the rest of high school is filled with friends, parties and semi-consensual sex. I told him college is even better. I had sex everyday. He said: didn't you go to an online school? I said: yes and most of the sex was with myself, but fun non the less.